Graciousness...
Graciousness is...
- giving up your seat to those who need them more than you do.
- NOT booking a seat at the food court with tissue paper or other forms of trash like so many of the working class ppl do.
- HIDING your BUTTCRACK if you are REALLLLLY fat and ugly...
Me and some of my pals were at Fish and Co (Bugis Jxn) the other day when my friend looked over his left shoulder then immediately began to douse his eyes with pepper. As i watched him wriggling in pain i noticed something weird about him, he wasn't crying, he was laughing, with sheer glee and relief. It was scary to see a dear friend of mine smiling as his eyes burned. I sat there wondering what could have caused a person to inflict such pain on himself. I was amazed to find that he thought the pepper in his eyes wasn't nearly as painful as the pain that was previously dealt to him by that as yet unseen entity. Gathering up all my courage, i faced my fears... and turned my head...
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! I immediately understood why my friend decided to marinate his eyes. I couldnt help it... my hands flew to my eyes and i began to gouge them out. I had to do something to alleviate the visual agony that had befallen me. It was a cosmetic disaster, a nightmare i will never wake from, a strike to the very soul.
BUTTCRACK!!!
One of my friends, biting his lip to stop the pain to his eyes...My other friends heard my cry of warning and dived beneath the tables, the waiters and waitresses scrambled for cover, the blind man in the corner smiled for the first time since that fateful accident that denied him his sight at the fact that his ailment spared him this pain. The weak hearted passed out, the entire place was thrown into chaos.
I call out to every man, woman and child of the world who has a buttcrack (yes, that includes you who thinks you are sexy and hot, in fact it includes EVERYONE 'cept my baby cos everyone else isn't sexy enough). HIDE YOUR BUTTCRACK. If the IMF doesnt come back to Singapore ever again it wont be becuase of the inflexibility that the Singapore government has on the matter of protests here (which i agree with by the way), but because of the abundance of buttcracks found here.
Buttcracks... God's secret weapon to every human being, the most dangerous part of the human body, a lethal weapon whose abilities lay undiscovered. In my bid to make Singapore a safer place, i implore all service and retail joints to arm their staff with duct tape (or you could just get the BUTTCRACK AVENGER), as a tool that might help in the war agianst buttcracks. If ever a customer walks in with his/her buttcrack showing, the staff would be trained to react, to subdue the obnoxious sight by taping it up with the buttcrack avenger before that weapon could deal its fatal blow on the public. This calls for great courage and dedication on the part of the service staff, but... it would be for the sake of everyone else who lies in close proximity to that weapon of Mass destruction. For example:
and... to all those who insist on flashing buttcracks, please, i implore of you, spare us the pain. Help Singapore become a truly gracious society.
Some secrets are best kept hidden,
Some nightmares will never go away.
Some hurts will never be forgotten,
That horror in my mind forever will stay.
Monday, September 18, 2006
FARTED @ 2:06 PM
